Previous Lives and Beginning of This One
I remember my two previous incarnations.
Of course, I had other incarnations before, but those more early human incarnations were too “common” and “plain” to mention them. Although they had prepared me for the next ones.
In the first of these two incarnations I was a chieftain of an Indian tribe in Cuba. It means that the experience of previous lives already supplied me with necessary quantity of personal power to become a leader. Such features continued to strengthen during the chieftain’s life. The main feature of a good chief — care about others — was also growing.
I intentionally emphasize these details now. After all, we are sent to the Earth by our Highest Teacher — God — not just to live, enjoy and suffer. We all get here from the world of non-material energies in order to develop ourselves. So, I would like to illustrate by the example of my own how it goes.
The next incarnation was in Germany in Reformation time, being male again. I got medical education (continuing the line of care). But when the struggle for liberation from the absolute power of degraded Catholic church started — I took up arms and fought being one of the closest associates of Martin Luther.
The next episode was important from the karmic standpoint (i.e. from the point of forming the following fate-karma). During defense of an estate I was shooting at assailants. One of them was wounded by me in his leg; another one caught a bullet in his breast. Later I will tell about the consequences.
I was killed in one of the further battles.
This life God gave me male body again. (It shows that the features, which are more favorable to develop in female bodies, had been mastered by me before the last three incarnations). The Creator placed me in modern Saint Petersburg — one of the intellectual centers of Russia unspiritualized by communists.
About my family. My mother was a doctor (it was necessary for supporting my interest to medicine, striving to help people). My father was a typical choleric character, short-tempered with reckless actions at times, a fellow of drunkards though he was not a drunkard himself, a son of dispossessioned by Bolsheviks kulak. He was eager to strive together with Bolsheviks, but they threw him out as a son of kulak. He managed, however, to participate in the felonious war against Finns and was very proud of it. He was a member of Communist Party and a “militant atheist”.
Nevertheless he showed me not only the example of what one should not be. There were some light features in him — namely, love to nature, although it was peculiar.
He accustomed me since childhood to dawns upon a lake in reeds, to water splashes under the boat’s bottom, to dusks with woodcocks and singing of thrushes, to nights at a fire, to snow creaking under skis in winter.
But his love to nature had sadistic elements. All his numerous contacts with nature were aimed at killing: he was a fisherman, a hunter and did not take into account the right of other beings to live — and taught me the same.
So, we both were admiring the beauty of nature and its inhabitants… including the moments when they were suffering and dying maimed by us.
I remember how I was caressing them wishing them pleasure sincerely! But then the eyes of my victim grow dim and I, proud of a “trophy” put it into the rucksack. Love and cruelty existed together. But it is sadism, the feature of the lowest primitives! And how I was suffering later experiencing all it anew when I matured and get understanding!
Yes, at those years the ability to compassionate was not present in me as well as in most people.
More memories about the father — when he got weak shortly before his death demons began to torment him with terrible experiences like nightmares that he recalled as real. I — well acquainted at that time with mystical phenomena — tried to explain: you, I said, play now with demons, but turn to God! Look for God! Try it!
Then at the first time he was not indignant over my religiosity: he saw I was right. He even did some efforts… But it was too late. He told me bitterly: “Now it’s too late for me…”
… Years after father’s death once I was skiing through the places where we had fishing, recalled the beauty of those dusks and dawns in a boat, and thanked the father mentally for all it… And suddenly his voice sounded:
“Do you still remember me, sonny?…”
“Peace to you, dad! Come here again to become better!”
… Also all my childhood was spent with grandmother — a spiteful person used to be constantly angry, blaming and hating people around. Her characteristic feature was the internal dialogue passing with such emotions. She was absorbed in it so much that often it was “splashing out” as shouts of damnations to the “interlocutor”, especially when she was alone.
Her profession was a schoolteacher…
The grandmother played very important role in my life as well. She taught me not to be like her.
From my school memories the most bright ones remained: a schoolmistress beating children with a big ruler till bleeding, and another one, who was explaining for whole lesson that multiplication by zero gives the number itself and that since this is incomprehensible one needs just to believe it. So we, habituated to believe, believed her.
I remember also one of my coevals: he always took voluntarily the part of a “traitor” in all boyish “military” games. It is interesting to find out what were his past lives…
… I had the desire to help everyone since early years. Even in games I liked to dig channels between puddles and make streambeds deeper: “to help the water to run”. It seemed so naturally to me… And I was stupefied when other children seeing running water were trying to block it with stones, dirt…
Then, being more mature, after university and postgraduate study I again naturally was trying to help everybody. I always gave with pleasure a lift when driving my car (free of charge) or when seeing someone hauling, loading, unloading — even strangers — it was natural for me to join and help without wasting words.
Owing to this trait almost all respected and liked me. Once the fellows even gave me the nickname Guru — for the mentioned feature, for my beard and wide biological and medical knowledge, which I was always glad to share.
Though at that time I knew nothing about real spirituality yet. A true Guru — i.e. a spiritual leader, who has cognized God and has the ability of leading people to Him — I became much later, after decades of years…
… For the first time I showed my “character” and readiness to stand against “totalitarianism” in about fifth class. I begin to stand up for the right of combing hair back, not forth as all boys had to do. The head of studies, the director “conversed” with me, called my parents to school… But I — single, small — won! Then I was only of the schoolboys with hairs combed back.
The second conflict arose when I stood to write with a fountain-pen in classes, not to dip a pen into an ink-pot. (At that time fountain-pens were a novelty). And after all I had defended the right not to be like others!
The next child’s feat was in the middle of the ninth class. At that time an 11-years school education was introduced instead of 10-years one. But in this age for the first time one of the features developed in my previous lives began to manifest — the skill of intensive life.
I moved to an evening school, which remained of 10-years education, and went to work in a medical institute: to wash floors and windows, to give injections to rats, to look after dogs. It was not easy to move from a regular school to an evening school since it was too extraordinary. Besides the direction of my school did not want to let a good pupil leave. Yet I won again: the skills of a warrior developed in the previous lives got manifested!
I had moved to a new school, but differences in study programs were significant so that I had to overcome “arrears” in education.
In this way God started to train me to intensive intellectual work.
This tendency continued: when applying to the university I had a lack of 0.5 points for the day classes pass mark — but I was accepted to the evening classes. And the education in evening classes lasted 6 years, not 5 like in day classes, so in my second year I moved to day classes. With “arrears”, endless overworks… victory again!
I studied to be a biologist-zoologist-ecologist — the line of development established in me by the father since childhood and proved to be very useful later…
I struggled in the university as well. Once KGB arranged a provocation for students: let’s speak about the Komsomol, it’s disadvantages, how can we make it better… They offered “open debates”.
Then I had a speech and said about the Komsomol all I thought.
For this I was nearly dismissed from the university but students’ fellowship defended me. So I was just reprimanded for “thoughtless expression”.
But after that episode KGB opened a file on me.
My graduate work was on the ecology of beavers. I collected materials staying along with beavers near a small river in a swamp with numerous gnats.
I got interested in philosophy since the university’s lectures on Marxism-Leninism: I realized quickly that “something is wrong” there and after gaining deeper understanding with the help of many books became certain that everything is wrong there. Existentialism with its main question of the meaning of life had appeal to me.
Yet, I was very far from the religious answer to this question: there was no one real religious person around me.
A lot of help in understanding the political matters was given to me by Gennady Andreevich Shichko — a fervent fighter against any lie, any baseness. He was the first one in our country to argue against the Stalin’s policy of “total alcoholization” of the population. He began to organize sobriety clubs, to treat alcoholism.
Communist Party assailed him: he was blamed for “extremism”, “attempts to undermine the state economy”, and so on. But he had stood up!
… One of my distinguishing features developed in the past German life was a tendency to closest scrupulosity. It became my credo — the main principle of life. I was as thorough in this regard as I can. And expected the same from others.
Once during a repast on some event the people present arranged a playful opinion poll: what do you value most in:
a) men;
b) women.
About men there were such answers as wit, force, etc.
About women slightly drunk men noted different parts of their bodies.
My reply in both cases was: “Scrupulosity.”
When answers were read aloud all guessed with laugh who gave the current answers. I was identified without any problem.
But now I see with shame the defects of my “scrupulosity” of those days.
… Almost everyone considers themselves scrupulous.
Thus, a publisher in Moscow refused to pay royalties for book. He said: “take it in goods — in books”. But how to take from Moscow to Petersburg two thousand books given present prices? At that he considers himself a man of an absolute scrupulosity. And his wife says so: “That’s why I married him — because he is absolutely fair person”.
After that he “vanished” at all — changed the address and left no contact information: neither royalties, nor books… And this is not the case that he has no money… But I am not going to seek and catch him: time is too valuable on the spiritual path.
My principle is that I go forward without wasting time to conflicts. And then — how sang Boris Grebenschikov: “Sky is getting closer — every day!”
We cannot expect from a child to be scrupulous. A child — even if he came to know something of religion and probably must realize his responsibility in the face of God for his deeds — yet cannot comprehend the truth that one has to be scrupulous in relation to others, first of all, and not that others has to be scrupulous in relation to him.
The scrupulosity can be the feature of a psychogenetically mature person only — a person with mature soul. Only such person can accept for himself scrupulosity as an absolute credo — as a basic principle of life, which is fulfilled even to the detriment of oneself if necessary. Only such person may be considered as man with pure soul, worthy of approaching to God.
… Today I became a witness of a street scene: two drunken old women-fascists pounced on a girl looking like a Jewess and started to damn, beat her, rend her clothes. Fortunately, a bus stopped at that time, people came out and separated them.
I said “fortunately” meaning my fortune, i.e. “to my fortune”. The incident ended before I had time to interfere. If I had interfered, the “public opinion” would have turned against me: “a hooligan has attacked old ladies”.
What is important here is that these base women certainly consider themselves righteous and very scrupulous women…
…It was the same with me in those years — I was living in moral blindness. I considered my scrupulosity only in regard to people. But what about animals?
How it was for each worm to be stuck onto my fish-hook?
Or how did feel every fish thrown onto boat’s bottom to die?
Or birds, beasts wounded by my shots?
Yes, most of us live in blind unresponsiveness to sufferings of our victims.
In this way we create pain for ourselves in future destiny. Because, if we do not repent in time, if do not reform, — God will give us the same experience of pain to make us understand what it is and through this understanding to teach us to compassionate the pain of other beings.
It is called the law of karma — the law of cause-and-effect in destiny formation. I will demonstrate it below on my own mistakes and pain.
… After graduating from the university I hardly (KGB meddled) entered the post-graduate courses in a medical institute (medicine again!). The subject of the thesis was influence of various factors on psyche formation.
On the one hand three years of study were the time of reading a lot of literature on psychology, psychiatry, physiology, the time of getting experience of scientific experimentation. On the other hand — there were overworks again on the background of contacts with a scientific supervisor-tyrant. He intentionally humiliated subordinates — to make them “respect” him. One of the employees-women committed suicide at that time.
… Those years Communist Party conducted another anti-Semitic campaign. They launched “cleansing” on enterprises that were called “staff reduction”: the number of staff position was reduced by a directive “from above” and then restored back. But the dismissed employees were mainly Jews. After dismissal it was hard for them to find new job given their fifth point (the fifth field in the standard form where one has to fill in his nationality). Moreover, Jews were not allowed to emigrate from the country at those times…
And all it was on a background of hypocritical blaming of fascism, ceaseless lying propaganda of the “brotherhood of peoples of USSR”.
I experienced their pain as my own.
My Jewish fellow-student — well-cultured and very intelligent young man — after graduating from the university got an obligatory assignment to the position… of a laboratory assistant in a small town. He had to serve post-graduates who used to talk in obscene language and come to work drunken.
… As it was mentioned, the highest philosophic conception for me at that time was existentialism. According to this atheistic system of views there is no meaning of human life. At that life is suffering. Especially for those who are clever and able to ask themselves: “Why do I live on the Earth?” But this is a “pseudo-question” because there is no answer to it. We are “thrown” in this life without our agreement. And the only right way out from this situation is suicide.
Being ready to the end like this I yet tried to create a “temporary” meaning of life: to run away to the western countries with the purpose of saying people the truth about life in USSR.
But God that I have not known yet, stopped me…
It was in a southern town where I lived and worked at this time.
Once in spring I was walking long across a steppe among feather-grass, wormwood and blooming poppies and suddenly came to pine plantings: young pine-trees with height of mine and like grown-ones — with cones!
At the first time I felt what nostalgia is. God strengthened my native northern spring memories. And then I realized how strong I was attached to birch bogs with black grouses, to forest glades with woodcocks, to wallowing of spawning pikes and whistling of duck’s wings…
Now I see these emotions as something unimportant and worthless. At the last three decades of my life the only object of my attachments is the Creator. I became aware of the universe as of my home. And now it does not matter on what part of the Earth’s surface my body is situated.
But at those years, at this age…
This emotion was so strong that I left all thoughts on running away and quickly turned back to my native city.
